Talking to Strangers
“The right way to talk to strangers is with caution and humility.”- Malcolm Gladwell, Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don’t Know
Most of us are uncomfortable communicating with strangers. But surprisingly, most of the time the interaction with strangers become the most valuable and result in long-lasting relationships. We often experience two individuals sitting next to each other on the train or subway get connected and become friends. From my personal experience, I met a few of my best friends just by sitting next to them on the train. We often talk about these events as accidents, but the communication might have also played an important role in building our relationship and taking it so far. While I was reading this book, I felt certain elements were common in each of those interactions. The first thing is to be able to listen mindfully. Often that’s a reason companies want to hire employees through several rounds of interviews and in-person interactions. Mindful listening makes us aware of the thought process and assesses the level of interest in the other person. Often that is reflected in the cover letters of the job applications as well, but in-person interactions make it even more evident. Therefore, listening and understanding the other person's mind is very important in communication.
The next is the level of transparency. Being true to ourselves is a real challenge. Often, we aren’t sure of what we want, or we are in complete denial of ourselves. And inevitably that gets exposed in verbal communications with others through demeanor. Therefore, the level of transparency is a function of how open and honest we are to ourselves. As Malcolm said, “Transparency is the idea that people’s behavior and demeanor — the way they represent themselves on the outside — provides an authentic and reliable window into the way they feel on the inside.”
However, making a connection to a stranger is about knowing each other enough for follow-up interactions, and that cannot happen without compatibility or an element of common ground. I have observed that after five minutes of communication I often decide whom I can connect with and whom I cannot. That happens on the level of satisfaction from the communication and a match with the energy level. Might be that’s the reason why we have a handful of friends, the reason companies take in few from thousands of applications and our individual choice of music and arts. As Malcolm said, caution and humility are the keys to successful communication with strangers, both of the elements position us in the spot of the other person and draw conclusions from there, it’s about finding yourself in other people, the common factor for our existence.
